Many people believe that there are advantages to filing for divorce first. After all, if you file first, you get to control the proceedings, right? Wrong. There are several disadvantages of filing for divorce first that you should be aware of before making the decision to do so.
Disadvantages Of Filing For Divorce First
Filing for divorce first has some advantages and disadvantages. Filing for divorce first allows you to take control of the divorce proceedings. You can set the divorce timeline and “start the clock” at a time that works for you. Having control over the timeline is important if you are going through a divorce.
You Might End Up Spending More
When you’re the one initiating the divorce, you also carry the first round of expenses. Court filing fees, process server charges, and lawyer retainers can add up fast. While your spouse is still preparing, you’ve already spent a significant amount just to get the case started.
Tip: Talk to a family law attorney in advance so you know what to expect financially before you file.
It Can Spark an Unnecessary Battle
Filing first may seem empowering, but it can unintentionally start things off on the wrong foot. If your spouse wasn’t expecting it, being served with divorce papers can feel like a betrayal. That emotional shock can lead to anger, resentment, and a more combative approach to the entire process.
If your goal is an amicable separation, this might make that harder to achieve.
You Reveal Your Strategy Early
As the petitioner, you’re the first to lay out your case—how you want custody arranged, how property should be divided, and what support you expect. This gives your spouse valuable insight into your strategy, allowing them time to prepare a counteroffer or legal defense.
In legal terms, going first isn’t always an advantage.
It Doesn’t Guarantee Custody or More Assets
Many people mistakenly believe that filing first gives them the upper hand. In reality, the court bases its decisions on fairness and the best interest of the children—not on who filed the paperwork first.
Don’t count on any legal edge just for being the first to act.
It Could Complicate Co-Parenting
If you and your spouse share children, how you handle the early stages of the divorce can affect future cooperation. Filing without prior discussion can make your co-parent feel blindsided, potentially creating mistrust that spills over into custody arrangements or daily parenting decisions.
Open communication is key, even if emotions are running high.
Emotional Guilt and Self-Doubt
Initiating a divorce can come with emotional weight. You might feel guilty or question if you made the right choice. There could be awkward conversations with family, friends, or even your children.
This emotional toll is real and often underestimated. Consider seeking support through therapy or a local divorce support group.
Social and Family Reactions
Being the one who files first can lead to unintended social consequences. Friends may feel torn or even take sides. Family members might question your decision, especially if they weren’t aware of your struggles. Even if the divorce was mutual, people often focus on who filed—not why.
Protect your peace by keeping boundaries and sharing only what you feel comfortable with.
Jurisdiction May Not Work in Your Favor
Filing first locks in the jurisdiction for the case. But if you and your spouse live in different areas, or you’ve recently moved, this can work against you. Different courts have different reputations when it comes to things like custody, support, or property division.
Before filing, consult a lawyer who understands both jurisdictions and can guide you strategically.
It Doesn’t Always Speed Things Up
Some people believe filing early gets the divorce done quicker. But many states have mandatory waiting periods or mediation requirements. Plus, your spouse’s actions can still delay the process—no matter how early you start.
Rushing to file doesn’t always mean reaching the finish line sooner.
You Carry the Mental Load From the Start
Filing for divorce means you’re also handling all the prep work—finding a lawyer, gathering documents, planning finances, and making critical decisions. That’s a lot to take on alone, especially when emotions are already high.
Give yourself space to breathe. Prioritize rest, support, and self-care throughout the process.
Requires Access to All of Your Documents
When filing for divorce, you will need access to all of your important financial and legal documents. You will need to gather copies of bank statements, real estate records, brokerage account statements, insurance policies, and more.
You will also need to gather information on your automobiles, insurance coverage, and other personal property. It will take a lot of time and effort to gather and copy all of these documents.
It is therefore important to gather all of these documents in one place and store them in a safe place. If possible, use an encrypted or password-protected storage device for them.
Bank Information
Another important document to gather is your bank and brokerage account log-in information. If you do not know your login information, call your bank or brokerage firm and ask for help. Alternatively, consult a lawyer. Never sign a power of attorney without consulting a lawyer. You don’t want to accidentally tip off your spouse that your filing for divorce is imminent.
Child Custody
If you have minor children, you will need to complete a Declaration Under the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act. In this document, you must provide the names and contact information of all children in the marriage. In addition, if you have property or assets, you will need to provide a detailed list of all those things. It is extremely important to provide accurate and detailed information about everything.
Serve a complaint
If you’re the first to file for a divorce, you’ll also need to serve your spouse with your complaint. It costs about $100 to hire a process server. If you’re the one who files first, it can give you a little bit of control over your case. When you file for divorce first, your spouse will have to respond to your complaint before you can cancel the divorce. In this case, the spouse who filed first is the plaintiff and the other spouse is the defendant.
Parenting Plan
If you have children, you’ll need to establish a detailed parenting plan. This will state who will make important decisions regarding your children’s health and education. Make sure to have copies of these documents for the children. A detailed parenting plan is essential for a divorce.
Forms & Documents
You must complete all of the necessary forms and documents. If your spouse has moved, you’ll need to notify the clerk of your change of address. Also, you’ll need to file a Civil Information Sheet, a Domestic Relations Affidavit, and a Parenting Plan. A Notary public can help you complete these documents.
Limits Your Ability to Retain an Attorney
The decision to retain an attorney is often a daunting one. It is important to find someone you can trust, and you should work to develop a rapport with him or her. Your attorney should understand the specifics of your case and your goals for the outcome. Working together is important to achieving the best results for both you and your ex-spouse. You may want to interview several attorneys to find one who will work well with your circumstances.
Difficult to Negotiate a Settlement Agreement
If you’re considering filing for divorce first, there are a few things you should keep in mind. For one, it may make it more difficult to negotiate a settlement agreement with your spouse. Additionally, if you have children, filing for divorce first may put them in the middle of the proceedings.
If you do decide to file for divorce first, be sure to consult with an experienced divorce attorney who can help you navigate the process and protect your interests.
You Could End up With Less Property
If you file for divorce first, your spouse may try to “take everything” in the divorce settlement. This could leave you with less property or assets than if you had waited to file.
Your spouse may also try to hide assets in an attempt to keep them out of the divorce settlement. This could make it more difficult for you to get a fair settlement.
If you are considering filing for divorce, you should speak with an experienced divorce attorney to learn more about the potential risks and rewards of doing so.
You May End up Paying More in Attorney’s Fees
There is no guarantee that you’ll save money by representing yourself in court. You may end up paying more attorney’s fees if your case goes to trial. And if you lose, you could be facing significant financial damages.
Before deciding to represent yourself, make sure you understand all of the risks involved. You may want to consult with an attorney to get a better idea of what you’re up against.
Advantages of Filing For Divorce First
Deciding to get a divorce is never an easy decision, but sometimes it’s the best thing for both parties involved. If you’re considering filing for divorce, you may be wondering if there are any advantages to filing first. The answer is yes! Here are three advantages of filing for divorce first.
Filing for divorce first can help speed up the process
Filing for divorce first can help speed up the process overall. By doing so, you can avoid some of the common delays that often occur when both parties are filing jointly. Additionally, if there are any contested issues, filing first can help ensure that your side of the story is heard first.
You Get to Choose the Ground Rules
When you file for divorce first, you get to set the tone and choose the ground rules for how the divorce proceedings will go. This means you can choose whether to use mediation or litigation, and you can also set the interim rules that will govern things like child custody and support, spousal support, and property division.
You Can Gather Your Financial Documents First
Another advantage of filing for divorce first is that you’ll have a chance to gather all of your financial documents before your spouse has a chance to hide or destroy them. This is important because you’ll need those documents to prove your financial worth during property division negotiations.
You May Be Able to Negotiate a More Favorable Settlement
Lastly, if you can negotiate a more favorable settlement by filing for divorce first, it could save you both time and money in the long run. For example, if you can agree on child custody and visitation without having to go to court, that will save you both the time and expense of litigation.
Contested divorce
Filing for divorce first can also help to avoid a contested divorce. If one spouse files for divorce and the other does not respond, the court may grant a default divorce. This means that the divorce will be granted without a hearing or trial, and the defaulting spouse will not have an opportunity to contest the terms of the divorce.
Have a Say in Divorce Proceedings
Filing for divorce first can also give you a head start on negotiating the terms of your divorce. If you and your spouse can reach an agreement on all of the terms of your divorce, you can file an uncontested divorce. An uncontested divorce is usually faster and cheaper than a contested divorce, and it can avoid the stress of a trial.
Control over the outcome
When you file for divorce first, you get to choose the venue – meaning, which state’s courts will hear your case. You also get to choose which type of divorce proceeding you want to use. These choices can have a big impact on how quickly your divorce is finalised and what kind of terms are included in the final divorce agreement.
Place of divorce
Another advantage of filing for divorce first is the fact that you can choose the county where the divorce will take place. No-fault divorces can be filed in the county where the spouse resides. However, if you choose to file in a different county, you may end up with higher costs.
Prevent Your Spouse From Hiding Assets
One of the biggest benefits of being the first to file for divorce is that it can prevent your spouse from hiding assets. If you’re both on relatively good terms, your spouse may not think twice about hiding assets from you during the divorce process. However, if you’re the one who files first, your spouse will likely be more forthcoming with information about all of your shared assets.
You Set the Pace
Filing first gives you more control over the timeline. You’re the one who initiates the process, which means your spouse must respond on your schedule—not theirs.
Choice of Jurisdiction
If you and your spouse live in different counties or states, filing first allows you to choose where the case is heard. This can make a difference in custody laws, property division, or spousal support outcomes depending on local rules.
Time to Prepare
Being the first to file means you’ve likely already consulted a lawyer, gathered financial documents, and emotionally prepared for what’s ahead. That head start can help you feel more grounded and focused during the process.
Immediate Protection Orders
In urgent cases, filing first can allow you to request temporary orders for child custody, spousal support, or property protection. This is especially helpful in situations involving financial abuse, domestic violence, or neglect.
Sends a Clear Message
Sometimes, filing first can show that you’re serious about moving forward. It sets a firm boundary, especially if previous conversations about separation were ignored or dismissed.
Immediate Relief
If you file for divorce first, you may be able to get immediate relief from the court. This means that the court can issue an order preventing your spouse from taking any action that might harm you or your children. You spouse, for example, may be ordered to:
- Move out of your home;
- Stay away from your workplace;
- Not contact you or your children;
- Not remove any money from joint bank accounts; and/or
- Not sell any property that you own together.
If you are worried about your safety, you should ask the court to issue a restraining order as part of the divorce proceedings. A restraining order is a court order that requires your spouse to stay away from you and not contact you. If your spouse violates the restraining order, he or she can be arrested and charged with a crime.
You should also think about whether you need a custody order as part of your divorce. A custody order is a court order that gives one parent the right to make decisions about the care and welfare of the children, and/or gives one parent physical custody of the children. If you have joint legal custody, then both parents have the right to make decisions about the care and welfare of the children. If you have joint physical custody, then the children will live with both parents on a schedule that is determined by the court.
Final Thoughts
Filing for divorce first comes with both risks and rewards. On one hand, it can give you a sense of control, legal advantages, and emotional clarity. On the other, it may lead to higher upfront costs, tension in your personal relationships, and emotional pressure.
The right decision depends entirely on your situation—your financial readiness, emotional state, family dynamics, and legal considerations. Before making that move, talk to a trusted attorney and think about the long-term impact on your future, not just the short-term gain.
A divorce is more than just a legal process—it’s a deeply personal one. Taking the right first step can make all the difference in how you move forward.
FAQ’s
It truly depends on each situation. Some people feel better after filing for divorce because they decided to end their marriage. They may feel a sense of relief or satisfaction that they were the ones who took action.
If one spouse has been significantly more involved in the financial aspects of the marriage, they may have a better understanding of marital assets and debts. This could give them an advantage in negotiation and property division.
If your husband files for divorce first, it may put you at a disadvantage in the divorce proceedings.
If you are the spouse who files first, you may have an advantage in terms of negotiating the terms of your divorce settlement.
If your wife files for divorce, you may be responsible for paying some or all of her legal fees.
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